Federal judge Phil Orouti ruled in favor of the exponential function [ticker EXP] in a closely watched antitrust case Wednesday. The court ruling did not deny charges that the exponential had a monopoly in functional behavior, but also did not move to break up the function into separate domains.
A spokesman for the leading competitor Bessel function group [JV], Arfken, was dissappointed in the ruling. "The exponential consistently uses its position to grow", complained Arfken. "From astronomical motion to particle eigenfunctions, it's hard to find behavior not dependent on the exponential. We hope the appeal process can stop further predation in complex domains". Arfken also complained the the law was unprepared for modern functional behavior ownership litigation, citing the relation:
Federal judge rules in favor of exponential function
Today's New Hampster is brought to you by the number: e
Under the stewardship of Leonard Euler in the mid 1700s, the exponential was able to execute a hostile takeover over of the circular functions, including functional behavior giants sine and cosine, by exercising its power in the complex domain. Leveraging of its complex assets allowed the exponential to gain control of frequency space transforms, including the well known brand Fourier [FFT]. Such manipulations with imaginary assets have since become a staple of modern finance.
Functional advocacy groups have differed in their criticism of industry giant EXP. Some complain that use of the exponential in the complex plane is buggy, and users are unprepared for treacherous behaviour around so called "branch cuts" used to patch discontinuities. Others complain that the exponential's growth leads to unsustainable behavior and eventual crashes. Some even fear a return to the mythical "inflation age", when the domination of the exponential affected the very fabric of space and time. None the less, most agree that the amazing popularity of the function is due to the expandability and diversity, enabling countless innovations.
Spokesman for the exponential Lyapunov remained aloof and confident in his comments after the court decision. "df/dt = f", he said while walking toward his car. "No further comment". His security team then told us to "take a drunken walk off a natural log".